Tuesday, March 05, 2024

Break the Vicious Cycle

 

Break the Vicious Cycle: Understand the Impact of Fatherhood[i] on Personal Behavior

I. Introduction

A. The paradox: striving not to be like an angry, aggressive, negative, or alcoholic father

Living in the shadow of a challenging father figure can create a paradoxical situation for individuals. On the one hand, there is a strong desire not to repeat negative traits and behaviors that their fathers exhibited. This is due to a genuine recognition of the damage caused by such behaviour and a genuine intention to break the vicious circle. Despite the best intentions, people often inadvertently repeat certain aspects of their father’s behavior, creating a complex emotional and psychological challenge.

B. The observed pattern: individuals who inadvertently repeat the behavior of their fathers

It is not uncommon to observe a pattern in which individuals, despite consciously striving to be different, can constantly see themselves exhibiting behaviors similar to the one they were trying to avoid. This enigmatic repetition raises questions about the deep-seated influence of early role models and the complexity involved in breaking free from learned behavior.

C. Study of the causes of this phenomenon

Children observe and internalize their parents' behavior, especially during their formative years. Fathers serve as role models, whether consciously or unconsciously. If a father exhibits harmful habits, such as substance abuse, aggression, or emotional instability, children may perceive this behavior as normal or acceptable. Unhealthy family dynamics, stress and conflict contribute to maladaptive coping mechanisms. Fathers struggling with substance abuse or mental health challenges foster a stressful environment. Children can adopt corresponding coping strategies that continue the cycle. Emotional regulation: Fathers who struggle with emotional regulation may inadvertently exemplify unhealthy methods of expressing emotions. Children learn by observing how their fathers navigate stress, anger, and melancholy. If a father resorts to drugs or harmful behaviors as coping mechanisms, children can mimic these patterns.

II. The impact of fatherhood on personal development

This section explores how fatherhood's impact on personal development goes beyond direct learning, emphasizing the influential role fathers play as primary role models. It discusses the unconscious internalization of learned behavior and sheds light on the emotional and psychological aspects that contribute to the maintenance of certain patterns. The role of childhood experiences in the formation of adult personalities emphasizes the importance of early influences in shaping a person's identity and behavior.

A. The influence of parental role models on behavior design

  1. Role models in childhood:

     - Children often look up to their parents as primary role models. Fathers, in particular, play an important role in shaping a child's understanding of what is normal or acceptable behavior.

     - Behaviors observed in childhood are not just imitated, but can become deeply ingrained in a child's psyche and form the basis of their own future actions.

2. Transmission of norms and values:

     - Fathers transmit, consciously or unconsciously, their values, norms, and coping strategies to their children. For children, these learned behaviors can become standard responses to stress, conflict, or challenging situations.

B. Unconscious internalization of learned behavior

1. Implicit learning:

     - Much of the learning that shapes behavior happens implicitly in childhood. Children absorb not only explicit teachings, but also subtle signals, emotional expressions, and reactions from their fathers.

     - Unconscious internalization can cause individuals to adopt certain behaviors without full cognition, making it challenging to break free from patterns that have become deeply entrenched.

  2. Emotional resonance:

     - Emotional experiences, both positive and negative, with a father figure can have a lasting impact. Emotional resonance can shape a person's emotional intelligence and affect how they express and manage emotions in their own lives.

C. The role of childhood experiences in the formation of adult personalities

  1. Trauma and coping mechanisms:

     Children raised in environments characterized by anger, aggression, negativity, or substance abuse may develop coping mechanisms as strategies for survival. These coping mechanisms, while malleable in childhood, can continue into adulthood and manifest in similar behaviors.

2. Attachment formats:

     - Father-child relationships contribute to the development of attachment styles. Insecure attachment can lead to difficulties in forming healthy relationships, which affects how the person functions in interpersonal dynamics in their adult lives.

3. Impact on self-image:

     - The way a father interacts with a child shapes the child's self-image. Positive reinforcement and encouragement contribute to healthy self-esteem, while negative interactions can result in a lack of self-confidence and negative self-image.

III. Pattern breakdown

This section emphasizes the proactive steps one can take to break down negative patterns and behaviors. Through self-reflection, recognition of what has triggered certain actions, and understanding psychological mechanisms, individuals lay the groundwork for change. Recognizing the impact of childhood trauma and addressing maladaptive coping mechanisms are crucial components of this process. It must be emphasized that it may be necessary to seek professional help in the process.

A. Recognition of negative patterns and behaviors

1. Self-reflection on personal tendencies

       - The affected person must engage in deep self-reflection to identify patterns of behavior comparable to those of their fathers. This involves an honest study of physical reactions, emotional reactions and coping mechanisms in various life situations.

     - Journaling, therapy, or introspective exercises can be useful tools for gaining insight into one's own behavior and recognizing patterns that may unintentionally be passed on.

2. Identification of triggers and reaction patterns:

     - It is crucial to understand the triggers that lead to negative behavior. Identification of specific situations, emotions, or stressors that elicit reactions similar to those of the father. When this understanding is present, a targeted intervention is provided.

     - By recognizing reaction patterns, the person can begin to break off the automatic connection that has arisen between certain triggers and learned behavior (action-reaction).

3. The impact of childhood trauma on behavior:

     - Childhood traumas, whether obvious or subtle, can leave lasting imprints on a person's psyche. Unresolved trauma can manifest itself in maladaptive behavior, creating a cycle that requires careful examination and intervention.

     - Therapeutic approaches, such as trauma-focused therapy, may be instrumental in treating and processing early trauma to prevent their continued influence on current behavior.

4. The role of coping mechanisms in shaping personality:

     - Coping mechanisms developed by the person in response to a challenging father figure may have been a protective function in childhood, but may become obstacles in adulthood.

     - Recognizing and replacing unhealthy coping mechanisms with constructive alternatives, often with guidance from a psychologist or therapist, is essential to break the cycle of negative behavior.

IV. Seek professional guidance

Seeking professional guidance is not a sign of weakness, but a proactive step toward positive change. Therapy methods adapted to individual needs provide structured frameworks for self-discovery, behavior change, and for breaking free from negative cycles. The collaboration between the individual, who has gained self-awareness and mental expertise, is a powerful tool to promote lasting personal growth and transformation.

A. The importance of mental expertise:

Recognizing the complexity of behavioural patterns and the deep-seated influence of early experiences, it is, as mentioned, vitally important to seek professional guidance. Mental health expertise, such as psychologists and therapists, imparts knowledge, experience, objectivity, and a safe space for individuals to explore and address the underlying issues that contribute to negative behavioral cycles. Professional assistance can provide one with the tools, insights, and strategies needed to effectively navigate the process of change and self-discovery.

B. Psychologists and therapists who guide in self-discovery:

Psychologists and therapists serve as guides in the journey into greater self-discovery/self-knowledge. Through open dialogue and evidence-based practice, these professionals help individuals unpack their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, fostering a deeper understanding of oneself. - The therapeutic relationship offers a non-judgmental environment in which the person can explore their past, present and future ambitions and gain clarity about their motivations and desires.

C. Therapy methods to break negative behavioral cycles:

1. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT):

CBT is a targeted therapeutic approach that focuses on identifying and challenging negative thought patterns and behaviors. It helps individuals recognize distorted thinking, develop healthier cognitive patterns, and acquire practical skills to change problematic behavior.

   - In breaking negative behavioral cycles, CBT can be effective in addressing specific triggers, changing automatic responses, and promoting more adaptive coping strategies. 

2. Family Systems Therapy:

     - Family systems therapy considers individuals within the framework of their family dynamics. It examines how family relationships, roles and communication patterns contribute to individual behaviour.

     - This approach is particularly valuable for those seeking to break generational patterns, as it addresses family dynamics and promotes healthier communication, helping individuals understand their roles and how they can reshape interactions within the family.

3. Trauma-focused therapy:

     - For people whose negative behaviors are rooted in past trauma, trauma-focused therapy is a good tool. This approach specifically addresses the impact of traumatic experiences on thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

     - Therapists use trauma-focused techniques to help individuals process and integrate their traumatic experiences, reducing the impact of past trauma on current behaviors.

V. Nurturing positive fatherhood/parenthood

A. The importance of positive role models for future generations:

Impact on generational patterns:

Positive fatherhood serves as a powerful antidote to negative generational patterns. Fathers who model healthy behaviors, emotional intelligence, and positive coping mechanisms help break cycles of negativity and aggression.

Establish a legacy of positivity:

Fathers' positive role models create a lasting legacy. Children who witness positive parenting behavior are more likely to promote this behavior in their own lives, producing a chain of positive influence that can span generations.

B. Strategies to promote healthy parent-child relationships:

Emotional availability:

Fathers can foster healthy relationships by being emotionally available to their children. This involves actively listening to their children's concerns, validating their feelings, and expressing empathy.

Quality time and commitment:

Building strong parent-child relationships requires conscious quality time. Participating in communal activities, whether it's playing sports, reading or simply having conversations, strengthens the bond between fathers and their children.

Consistent support and encouragement:

Providing consistent support and encouragement contributes to a positive environment. Fathers who offer praise, constructive feedback, and a sense of security help nurture their children's self-esteem and resilience.

C. Building a foundation of love, respect and open communication:

Love as a guiding force:

Love is the cornerstone of positive fatherhood. Expressing love through words, actions, and emotional presence creates a secure foundation for children to thrive.

Promoting mutual respect:

Fathers can model respect by treating their children with dignity, recognizing their perspectives, and valuing their individuality. Mutual respect forms the basis of healthy, reciprocal relationships.

Open communication as a pillar:

Encouraging open communication creates an atmosphere where children feel comfortable expressing themselves. Fathers who listen actively, maintain open dialogue, and validate their children's thoughts help build trust and understanding.

Positive fatherhood is not only about breaking negative cycles, but also actively shaping a nurturing environment for future generations. By accepting/actively adopting positive role models, fostering healthy relationships and establishing a foundation of love, respect and open communication, fathers can contribute to the development of emotionally resilient and positively impacted children/adolescents, which in turn can positively impact their own families and communities.

VI. Personal empowerment and change

A. Cultivating self-awareness:

Cultivating self-awareness is the fundamental step towards personal empowerment. It involves an honest and self-reflective examination of one's thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Through self-reflection, the person gains insight into the root causes of his actions so that he can identify patterns that need to be adjusted.

- Diary keeping and regular check-ins with oneself can be effective tools for cultivating self-awareness. The goal is to develop a deep understanding of personal strengths, weaknesses, and triggers that contribute to negative behavior patterns.

B. Establishing healthy coping mechanisms:

To break negative cycles, it is important to replace maladaptive coping mechanisms with healthy alternatives. By understanding that these coping mechanisms are developed in response to a challenging father figure, the person can consciously choose new, constructive ways to deal with stress, conflict, and emotional challenges.

   - Healthy coping mechanisms may include practicing mindfulness in the sense of awareness, awareness and presence, physical activities, creative activities, or seeking support from close networks, friends, and family. Developing a toolbox of effective coping strategies allows individuals to respond to life's challenges in a positive and constructive way.

C. Learning and practicing effective communication skills:

Effective communication is a key aspect of personal empowerment and of interrupting negative behaviors. Individuals may have learned communication patterns from their fathers that contribute to misunderstandings or conflicts.

   - Learning and practicing effective communication skills involves active listening, expressing oneself confidently but respectfully, and fostering open dialogue. Communication skills allow individuals to convey their needs, feelings, and boundaries, contributing to healthier relationships and breaking negative interaction patterns.

D. The role of forgiveness and healing in breaking generational cycles:

Forgiveness and healing play crucial roles in breaking generational cycles. Holding on to anger or anger toward a father figure can perpetuate negative emotions and behaviors. Forgiveness does not mean approval of past actions, but frees the person from the emotional burden that these actions have founded. Healing involves recognizing the impact of past experiences, seeking closure, and embracing personal growth. Therapeutic interventions, such as forgiveness therapy or trauma-focused therapy, can guide individuals through this transformative process. Personally, I have faith and experience that Jesus Christ can heal internal wounds, and He is probably the One who can heal most completely. Therefore, at the end of the article, I have added a list of Christian literature and videos on healing in this area. It only requires a personal faith that the individual can get directly from God. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions about this.

Personal empowerment and change necessitate a holistic approach that includes self-awareness, healthy coping mechanisms, effective communication, and emotional healing. Through conscious effort and a commitment to personal growth, one can regain agency over one's life, reshape one's behavior, and break free of the patterns that may have been passed down through generations.

E. Therapeutic diary

In the process of personal growth, self-discovery, empowerment and healing, it can be beneficial to keep a journal so that you can maintain insights and realizations as well as new coping strategies.

Here are examples of some questions to ask and try to answer in daily journaling:

Anger and generational patterns. Self-reflection worksheets

Instructions:

Take time to reflect on each question. Be honest with yourself and record your thoughts and feelings in a journal or other place where you can return to these questions and answers. This worksheet is a tool for self-reflection and healing.

 

1. Early experiences:

- Describe specific instances in your childhood where you witnessed or experienced anger, scolding, or physical punishment from your father/mother.

 

- How did these experiences make you feel at the time?

 

- Were there any lasting emotional consequences?

 

2. Identification of triggers:

 

- List situations or circumstances that tend to trigger your anger or irritability. This may include stress at work, financial worries, or specific behaviors from others.

 

- Think about whether any of these triggers remind you of situations from your childhood. Are there patterns or similarities?

 

3. Understand expressions of anger:

- Explore how you typically express anger. Do you tend to explode verbally, become physically aggressive, or withdraw emotionally?

- Consider whether these terms reflect your father's or mother's behavior, or if they are unique to your experiences.

4. Impact on relationships:

 

- Reflect on how your anger has affected your relationships, especially with your children and spouse/partner. Consider both the short-term and long-term consequences.

 

- Are there specific incidents that stand out in your mind where your anger had a significant impact on someone you care about?

 

5. Unpacking emotions:

 

- Identify the emotions that accompany your anger. Is it frustration, fear, sadness or a feeling of powerlessness?

 

- Reflect on whether these feelings are connected to past experiences with your father or whether they are primarily related to current circumstances.

 

6. Mastery mechanisms:

 

- List current coping mechanisms you use to deal with anger or stress. This may include taking a break, or seeking support from others.

 

- Consider whether these coping mechanisms are effective or if there are healthier alternatives you can explore.

 

7. Goals for change:

 

- Define specific, realistic goals to change how you respond to anger triggers.

 

- What would you like to achieve in terms of your emotional reactions and behaviors?

 

- Break these goals down into manageable steps and timelines.

 

8.Goals of parenting:

 

- If you have children, consider what actions you can take to affirm and strengthen your child.

 

- Think of situations where you would like to actively listen to the children, validate their feelings, and show empathy for their experiences.

 

- What existing situations and activities would you prioritize assigning quality time with your child(ren)?

 

- Maybe you need to find new activities together that you would like to allocate quality time with the child to strengthen the bond between you?

 

- Consider in what ways you can show love in word and deed.

 

- How can you treat the child with respect and acknowledge their perspectives?

 

- How can you model open communication and encourage the child to engage in an open dialogue with you?

 

- In short: how can you be a positive role model, how can you model positive parenting?

 

9. Seek support:

 

- Consider the importance of seeking support on your journey. This can be through therapy, support groups, or confiding in a trusted friend or family member.

 

- Consider the role of accountability and encouragement in breaking generational patterns.

 

10. Affirmations and positive reinforcement:

 

- Develop positive affirmations to counter negative self-talk associated with anger. Reaffirm your commitment to change and recognize your strengths.

 

 

- Identify ways to reinforce positive behaviors and celebrate small victories on your journey.

 

11. How can I celebrate my progress in managing anger and cultivating emotional well-being?

 

- Consider what concrete, positive actions you can take to celebrate your progress in managing anger and cultivating emotional well-being.

 

12. Reflection and adaptation:

 

- Regularly pull out this worksheet to track your progress and adjust your goals as needed.

- Consider sharing your reflections with a therapist or counselor for further insight and guidance.

- Remember that this worksheet is a tool for personal reflection and is not a substitute for professional therapeutic guidance.

- If possible, consider working through these reflections with the support of a mental health expert who can provide insights and strategies tailored to your specific situation.

VII. Success Stories

A. Lessons of those who overcame their challenging family background:

- Lesson 1: Recognizing the influence:

- People who successfully broke the vicious circle have emphasized the importance of realizing their fathers' influence on their behavior. Awareness is the first step towards initiating change.

  - Lesson 2: Seek professional support:

     Seeking help from mental health expertise was a common factor among those who successfully broke the cycle. The therapists' guidance provided the tools and insights needed to navigate the complex process of change.

  - Lesson 3: Accept vulnerability and growth:

     Many success stories involve individuals who embrace vulnerability, acknowledge their struggles, and actively engage in personal growth. The willingness to confront challenges and learn from them is a powerful catalyst for change.

These success stories highlight the different paths individuals take to break generational cycles. They emphasize the transformative power of therapy and self-discovery in fostering personal growth, resilience, and the ability to overcome the challenges associated with challenging family backgrounds.

VIII. Conclusion

A. Recognising the challenges of breaking generational patterns:

Breaking generational patterns is a challenging endeavor that requires courage, self-awareness, and a commitment to change. Recognizing the impact of past experiences, especially those impacted by challenging fatherhood, is the first step toward liberation.

B. Encourage self-reflection and seek professional help:

Self-reflection is a powerful tool for understanding one's own behavior and motivation. Encouraging individuals to engage in honest introspection allows them to identify patterns that may unconsciously sustain negative cycles.

In addition, seeking professional help, such as therapy and counseling, provides valuable guidance and support. Mental health professionals offer tools, strategies and a safe space for people to navigate the complexity of their past and present.

C. Empowering people to rewrite their own narratives and create positive change:

Empowering people to rewrite their own narratives involves recognizing their agency to shape their destiny. By implementing positive behavioral changes, establishing healthy relationships, and adopting constructive coping mechanisms, people can actively break free of the shadows of challenging fatherhood.

Through conscious effort, a commitment to personal growth, and harnessing the transformative power of therapy and self-discovery, people can create positive change, not only in their own lives, but also for future generations.

In conclusion, while the challenges of breaking generational patterns are formidable, the journey towards positive change is both transformative and empowering. By acknowledging the past, engaging in self-reflection, seeking professional support, and actively shaping positive narratives, individuals have the potential to break free from the negative influences of challenging fatherhood, fostering resilience, healing, and positive change in their own lives and the lives of future generations.

Suggested reading

Some reputable books, articles, and blogs that delve deeper into the impact of fatherhood on personal behavior, breaking generational patterns, and related psychological and self-help topics:

Books:

1. "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma" by Bessel van der Kolk

2. "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" by Pete Walker

3. "Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect" by Jonice Webb

4. "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love" by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

5. "The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment" by Eckhart Tolle

Articles:

1. "The Impact of Fathers on Children's Cognitive and Behavioral Development: A Longitudinal Study" - Journal of Family Issues

2. "Fatherhood and Your Brain: What New Dads Should Know" – Psychology Today

3. "How Fathers Influence Their Daughters' Mental Health" – Harvard Medical School

4. "The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children" - U.S. Department of Health &; Human Services

Blogs/Websites:

1. Psychology Today – They have a large collection of articles on various topics related to psychology, parenting, and personal development.

2. GoodTherapy Blog – Offers insights into mental health, relationships, and personal growth.

3. The Gottman Institute Blog – Focuses on research-based relationship counseling and parenting tips.

4. TED Talks – Search for talks on topics such as family dynamics, personal growth, and breaking negative cycles.

Christian resources that address the issues of fatherhood, breaking negative cycles, and personal development from a Christian perspective. Here are some recommendations:

Books:

"Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul" by John Eldredge

This book explores the role of fathers and the impact on the development of masculinity. It delves into the importance of understanding one's story and breaking free from negative patterns.

"Healing the Father Wound" by Kathy Rodriguez

Kathy Rodriguez discusses the impact of father wounds and provides insights into the healing process through a Christian lens.

"Fathered by God: Learning What Your Dad Could Never Teach You" by John Eldredge

Another work by John Eldredge, this book explores the journey to spiritual manhood and the role of fathers in shaping a man's identity.

Articles and Blogs:

Desiring God - Fatherhood Section

Desiring God, founded by John Piper, offers articles and blog posts on various topics, including fatherhood and family dynamics, from a Christian perspective.

Focus on the Family - Parenting Articles

Focus on the Family Translation into Danish. contains a number of articles on parenting, including those dealing with the impact of fathers on children's lives.

Videos:

The Bible Project – "Father" Video

The Bible Project has animated videos that explore biblical themes. The video "Father" can provide insight into the biblical perspective on fatherhood..

Dad Tired and Loving It (Podcast and YouTube Channel)

Dad Tired is a community of Christian husbands and fathers. The podcast and YouTube channel discuss issues related to fatherhood, marriage, and personal growth from a Christian point of view.

When exploring Christian resources, it is always beneficial to check the theological perspective and ensure that the content aligns with your faith. These recommendations provide a starting point for those seeking Christian insight into the impact of fatherhood and breaking negative cycles.

Remember to check book reviews, authors' credibility, and sources of information as you explore these materials. Reading different perspectives can provide a well-rounded understanding of the topics discussed.



[i] The article uses the word and role of father because the identity and role of a father more easily can become detached from the life of the child. This may be due to the fact that fathers do not have the same immediate, natural bond to the child as the mother has through her period of pregnancy and nurture of the child. Thus, fathers tend to get the role of controlling, maybe punishing, or “policing” the child, although the father role in the latest decades has become more equal to the mother role in the sense of responsibility of taking care of the child. When this is said, nothing prevents that children may experience the same kind of problems with their mother as is described here as some of the dangerous consequences of the father role.

God’s values as recounted in the Bible

God’s values as recounted in the Bible

God of the Christian Bible has a solution to the world’s problems, and it is entirely different from any of those we as humans can come up with no matter which political party we belong to, no matter how much money we have and no matter which philosophy of life/religion we live under.

First of all, God wants us to love God, our Creator and Lord, and we must love ourselves and other people – our neighbors. God wants to be Lord, but He is not like human rulers, who are often known for their lust for money, power, control, oppression and inhumane measures. For people, it is impossible to make everyone comfortable, and our inherent selfishness makes us think first and foremost about ourselves and what may serve us best.

Therefore, the elite of power and economy often makes sure to provide the greatest possible wealth for themselves and aim to help others who are rich and powerful like themselves.

Socialism versus God

Conversely, Communism, Marxism and Maoism etc. have ideas about helping the poor of the earth, those who are exploited and suppressed by the rich. Unfortunately, however, history shows that not a single one of the regimes that have confessed to these ideologies have lived up to their political objective, all having been governed by a powerful, dominant avaricious and deceitful upper class.

I say this even though, when it comes to the political systems of this world in democratic societies, I have more sympathy for the socialist/communist parties than others (except for their policies related to family, sex, and abortion), and it is true, at least in my own country, Denmark, that these parties are the most likely to pursue a policy that helps the economically unprosperus or downright poor classes and the weak people in general.

But it is basically a counterfeit solution trying to bring God’s values into a worldly system without God himself, and that is deemed to fail.

Blessed are … according to Jesus

Jesus says,

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,

For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,

For they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, For they shall be filled.

Blessed are the merciful,

For they shall obtain mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, For they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers,

For they shall be called sons of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake,

Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake.  Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”

(Matthew 5:3-12)

God’s values differ from the world’s values

Jesus says here that the people who have the hardest time and those who think more of others than themselves are blessed, they are happy, blessed, or lucky (though not in the sense we use the word when we say you are lucky when it is a question of chance/pure luck). They are blessed because they depend upon God.

In the Kingdom of God, there is no difference between people. Only if you or other people think you are worth more (or less) than others – there will be a difference, which is then a manufactured, false distinction.

God counts all as equally much worth, man and woman, children and adults, people from different countries, different tribes and with different languages, rich as well as poor. God’s culture is different from the one that defines the world. When we today see increasing recognition of the equal worth of all mankind it is a humanistic, ideological value.

Love, pray for, and forgive your enemies

God’s law, morality, or culture says that we should love our enemies and pray for them. We must forgive those who have hurt us. In the same way Jesus forgives us for our trespasses if  in faith we ask for forgiveness. We see this law expressed in The Lord’s Prayer. This is a value which is foreign to the value of the world, which is mainly revenge, hatred, and unforgiveness.

We are chosen as stewards of the earth

An intriguing feature of God is that He is omnipotent, he has created us, and he has given us the right or duty to look after and rule over/steward animals, plants, and the whole earth by virtue of or in cooperation with His power in love. I dare say that God has taken a big risk, for are we worth that responsibility? We have always ruled the earth, but have we done it God’s way? No, it is a known fact that ruling mostly have been done by exploiting others, exploiting animals, plants, and the earth itself, by scolding and hating and even murdering those we get into trouble with.

Neither we who call us Christians have done very well. So, we rule by the opposite means of those with which God asks us to rule, which is love, gentleness, indulgence, longsuffering. Jesus says that a leader is not a leader to be served, on the contrary the leader must serve those he leads.

Have we failed?

We, the Christians have not lived up to God’s plans for us to rule or steward the earth. If we to a greater degree had lived out of what God teaches us in the Bible, we would have had more of a positive influence on society.

Being a Christian is not just about your mind or heart, thoughts, and feelings. Just as it does not make sense if a man says to his wife “I love you inside my heart, I feel I love you” but does not live with her and does not do anything good for her, nor lives in a love relationship with her, so does it not make sense that we sit in church and sing beautiful songs and hymns about or to God on Sundays, and the rest of the week we do not live with Him. Then He does not have the opportunity to engage with us or cooperate with us, so that we will be able to live and rule the way God would like us to do it, and one may rightfully question if we know God at all.

Equals “Churchianity” normal Christianity?

In and by ourselves, in our own power we are not able to live according to God’s values. And we, the Christians, the church, the congregation, the pastors, historically have mostly lived by our own standards and values. It suits us best to stay secluded inside a church building and preach about God, sing about God, and pray prayers to God to help us with the problems we have, or plainly fix them all. I recently heard someone call this kind of Christian life “Churchianity”. When we look at church history this seems to be “normal Christianity”, but is this what normal should look like?

Jesus went about in the community, he was in the temple, the synagogue (the church) as well as out among people to teach them to live according to His values, and to help them through His acts of love, loving care and by healing and saving them. God expects for Christians to live this kind of a life. If we lived like this, I believe we would to some extend have been able to drive away violence, power of arms, economic power, and the exploitation of others, so that society would be imbued with God’s love.

The evil enemy

When that is said, we must also recognize that God has an enemy, satan that is also the enemy of all man and not least Christians. He is doing everything he can to block the way for God’s values and to become the essential part of our lives and that of society. He does it with cunning, with lies and deception. He makes us feel righteous in our own minds, he makes us think that our own  thoughts and ideas should be better than God’s thoughts and values, and he makes us feel less or more worthy than other people. He sets people up against each other and against God. He makes us sick, sad, sorrowful, scornful over other people’s bad luck and imposes upon us lots of other sentiments. He walks around like a roaring lion and tries to scare us into doing his will, and he is much more active in getting people to join his party than we Christians are actively giving people a chance to get to know God.

Don’t let the enemy be an excuse for not doing good

But the fact that we have an unscrupulous and evil enemy must never be an excuse for us not to get to know God, for not doing good and for not living with love as the central value. Unfortunately, this happens all the time – people confuse God with satan, and if we the Christians don’t talk about God, this misconception will prevail.

Jesus says we are in the world, but we are—or should not be of the world. Although we live our lives with both feet in the world, this world that does not know God, we must live by values and action as the persons we truly are, marked by God, saved by God, released and liberated by God through the death and resurrection of Jesus. When He lived a life in human flesh, walked with us as our brother, and took the punishment on the Cross for all our sins, so that we would not receive the punishment that we had rightly deserved.

Rhonda Mathisen (formerly Hughey) writes in her book “Desperate for His presence: God’s design to transform your life and your city” (Published 2004)

“The truth is that in the Western Church we have become a subculture rather than a counterculture. A subculture can only reflect the value and outlook of the culture it is part of.

The Church is not intended to be a maintenance organization; no, we must be tools for changing our societies! And when we are volatile and unstable, we cannot influence the society around us.  (…)

During Jesus’ trial in the wilderness, it was Satan who tempted him. He was offered power over all the realms of the world, with all their glory, but he rejected it. Jesus knew that there was a true kingdom and a true glory, and he would not settle for imitations. And neither should we!

The Kingdom Jesus came with is not of this world. We are therefore faced with the following questions:  Where do we live—in the reality of the Kingdom of God or in the world? Are you living as a tool for change or are you following status quo? God is looking for the revolutionaries! It is time we stopped trying to “add” Jesus to our culture and instead step into His Kingdom (pages 94-95).

God’s promises to us

It is exciting that God has set us in the position to steward or administer the earth. When we look at what He has promised us we realize that He does not intend that we should enact this leadership all alone. If we do what he says then he will keep his promises, then he will do what he has promised.

Just look at the awesome promises he has given to us:

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, and do not return there, but water the earth, and make it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes forth from my mouth; it shall not return to me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.” (Isaiah 55:8-11)

“The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” (James 5:16b).

“For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12)

The Word He speaks has creative power

God tells that He has great plans that are far better than our plans. When He says that His plans are as high above the earth as heaven is, it means that His plans are immeasurably, endlessly higher than our plans.

And He says that his Word, His written Word in the Bible, the Word He speaks, makes a difference. His Word went out and created the world. The Word carries out what it proclaims, it does the will of God and performs his tasks. And it is not just God’s Word that makes a difference; what we say to God, in prayer, makes a big difference—God creates with His word, so, when we have prayed, God can send out His Word to answer our prayer, and there is change! In this way we partner with God to bring about the good that He wills.

God’s word manages what it does because it is alive and effective, and it penetrates and reveals our motives, the thoughts, and opinions of the heart. It can change people of faith from within- so our character becomes more and more like God’s.

The first thing God does when we come to Him as new believers is to create us anew.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new”. 2.Corinthians 5:17.

In the Old Testament, God says to the Jews,

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgements and do them. Then you shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers; you shall be My people, and I will be your God..” (Ezekiel 36:26-28).

The Jews had turned from God and had been abducted into captivity in Babylon, where God gracefully told them that His will was to restore them and resettle them in the land, he had given to them. We can also see it as a prophecy of what happens when Christ makes his entry into our lives and society. A transformation is happening, a

transformation that no psychologist, politician, coach, stylist, pastor, or businessman can bring about.

God has given a mighty promise of His will to listen to the prayers of the righteous and act upon them.

”If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land”. (2. Chronicles 7:14).

We, the believers have different tasks in connection with this prayer.

1.   Humble ourselves.

2.  Seek the face of God.

3.  Turn from our wicked ways.

The prayer must come from a humble, broken heart, from a woman or man who is aware that she/he is a sinner who is tired of being haughty to God and someone who will humiliate herself/himself and seek the face of God.

It is not a form of prayer in which you reel off some phrases, which you have learned to say with an underlying expectation that God is a machine where you pick up prayer answers. Here it is a believer who is aware that he/she stands before the living God, he/she has come to the end of himself/herself, who is fearful because God has all the power, but who, on the other hand, also knows that he/she is expected, that God is waiting for him/her to come before the face of God in prayer, and that He wants to answer the prayer.

Repentance

God is not unapproachable; he is not a distant ruler whom one cannot reach. He wants fellowship with us sinners, just as we see it in the New Testament with Jesus.

Along with the humbleness comes the repentance of a human being who is sad that he/she has sinned and of the fact that he/she basically has an evil heart. This is a man or woman who does not try to cover up something; he/she has come “to the end of the rope” with himself/herself and realizes that only God can put the broken pieces together again.

When this kind of prayer comes to God in heaven, He will listen to it, and He promises that He will forgive that man or woman, and He will heal the land.

Here we come back to the responsibility of stewardship. God did not set us to rule over or steward the world and His creation all alone. He has always expected for us that we should do it in cooperation with Himself. Only by the power of God can we truly manage and transform the world around us.

If we as a congregation of God, as Christians, had continued to work in society in cooperation with God in the way they did in the first church, just after the shedding of the Holy Spirit, as we see it in the Acts of the Apostles, then the world would surely have looked different. Then we would hardly have experienced the destruction of the world economy and the threat of a new world order and a fascist dictatorship. Evil had not been eradicated, but the world would have been a lot more peaceful to live in.

Transformed communities today

Around the world there are communities (around 1000) where God in cooperation with local believers has transformed life, where He indeed has healed the land. These are communities where there have been an extremely high level of crime, alcoholism, unemployment, rape and sexual abuse of children. The situation has at some point become so serious that pastors have come together, across church boundaries and have regularly prayed together .

Police officers, politicians, mayors had typically also been involved in the common prayer for their communities and themselves. After they had persevered in prayer, it has happened that God has intervened with a spiritual awakening/revival, so that the whole community has come to know God, and He has healed the land. The overriding problems that were before are seen to have disappeared. The healing of the land may even go thus far that the earth becomes much more fertile than it has ever been. The crops become healthy and huge.

Rhonda Mathisen is the founder and head of Fusion Ministries Inc., and  I remember from a meeting that she mentioned an example from one of the transformed societies. Here a stream that ran through the land area in question was very polluted and completely opaque. After the transformation had begun, the stream became clean and clear on the stretch that ran through the land that was affected by God. Reports have been collected from many of these communities and videos have been made, Transformations

I, II and III.

Paradigms for healing prayer

Rhonda Mathisen sets up a number of paradigms or mindsets that we, the Church must abide by in order for God to work with/for us (pages 170-174 – my paraphrases):

1.       We must move from suspicion to trust. One example may be that Christians in a city once a year gather to pray, at the Evangelical Alliance prayer week, but for the rest of the year agree that the differences in theology are too great for the churches to cooperate and pray together. Here we must realize that it is not only possible to pray together, but that it is also useful for us and our city.

2.      We must move from a unit of function to a unit of relationship. We should not just make projects and events together, but also make sure that we have vibrant relations with people in other church communities.

3.      We must move from horizontal agreement to vertical agreement. It is of no use if we have a unity with each other (horizontal) but are not in common unity with the Lord (vertical). We must seek the Lord together.

4.      From revival visits to transforming dwelling. We should not settle for the temporal awakening inside the church, and expect God to visit us, but we must focus on being a community where the Lord stays so that society outside the church can be transformed. So that institutions are transformed: offices, classrooms, restaurants, prison cells, nursing homes and sports halls!

5.      We must stop building our own “empire” but become aware that when we hope that God will come and transform our society, we co-build the Kingdom. Here we lay down our own agendas and work together on God’s intentions for our cities.

6.      We must go from being workers to being loved. We move away from performing to resting and the satisfaction of being loved — so that we can love ourselves and can express it in the ministry.

7.      We must go from being warriors to worshippers. Many have grown tired and even wounded by too much emphasis on warfare against the enemy, satan. When we begin to rest in that we are loved, warfare is a product of our eyes being directed at Jesus, where it is not the struggle but the worship at Jesus’ feet that oustes the kingdom of darkness.

8.      We should not be focused on “secular versus sacred” but be focused on the Kingdom of God. We don’t get much concerned about whether we’re with Christians- but whether we serve God where we are at in the workplace, in the sports club, as a business manager, as a local politician, as a neighbor, and so on. That is what Martin Luther called serving God in calling and standing.

9.      We go from human methods to God’s presence. Right now, we are seeing a frustration in the churches about man-made programs and methods. Here we turn away from busyness to instead seeking God in prayer, where our character is cleansed, and we become willing to wait for Him.

10.  From experts to learners. In the Western world, we value knowledge, and when we know a lot, we consider ourselves experts in the church. But we do not live out our knowledge in great fertility. In contrast, God works with great power and efficacy in the non-Western world, in signs and wonders, revival, salvation and transformation of cities. Leaders become teachable disciples, so we are in training instead of being experts. Here we are in a weak and humble position where God can come through with His solution.

Watch this video where Rhonda Mathisen at a conference in Norway speaks about what transformation is.

Watch Video At: https://youtu.be/dm-pn2rKm_4

Transformation in Fiji

Rhonda Mathisen highlights Fiji as a place where the transformation of society is very extensive. Here was a military coup where the nation was moving in a downward spiraland the clerics acknowledged that they were responsible-that violence and rebellion were a consequence of their lack of unity. They then gathered across church boundaries and cried out to God for forgiveness and grace. Tribal leaders began convening their villages for prayer meetings, where they humiliated themselves before God and pleaded with Him to send His presence.

30 days before a nationwide election, a new political party was formed, and because of God’s intervention, a God-fearing prime minister was elected. The church is in a call to repentance and prayer for the surrender of the nation to God. New believers fill the churches, and the military leaders who went to prison after the year 2000 coup were saved in prison.

“God touches the nation of Fiji and answers the cry of the people. One of the most remarkable attributes of the revival in Fiji is the pervasive effect it has had in many areas of society. There is a transformation of the church, in political life, in economics, in ecology and in business life. There are also many signs and wonders happening in nature. Coral reefs have been renewed almost overnight after falling into disrepair for decades; fish that had been gone for nearly 50 years have returned in abundance.

Fruit trees, which previously bore no fruit, are now weighed down under the weight of an abundance of ripe fruit.” Pages 164-165.

There are citrus trees which produce fruit every month, and in Almalonga, Guatemala they grow huge carrots which weigh three kilos, and they stay fresh for months. Lettuce that are much bigger than a very big pumpkin.

Creation liberated from sin expresses its joy with abundance

“When creation is liberated from sin, it’s expressing its joy with abundance. It’s an amazing thing to see. What we realized was happening is something we now call the transformation of communities. And it describes the changes that happens when the presence of God comes.

When God visits a community with His light and His life, hope comes into the community just like when Jesus was walking on the earth. His presence brings light and life. The good news of the Kingdom of God.

It brings an awareness of God’s holiness. It changes the climate of the community. It’s a manifestation of God’s love, His glory, His power, His wisdom. And He comes to a people who have intentionally prepared themselves for His arrival. And this is very different from the revivals we saw in the twentieth century. The transformation today is not like the revivals we have seen before where God just breaks in and blows everything up for a couple of months, and then He leaves. And people try to hype it. They write books about it, they take credit for it, they start fighting about it, and the Lord just leaves. It’s no mystery why the Lord just leaves.

But this is different. This is something God is requiring us to prepare for. Transformation is a significant invasion of the Kingdom of God. It’s God’s salvation destroying the works of the devil. That’s what Jesus said about Himself. He said,

“I have come to destroy the works of the devil!”

He wants to destroy the works of the devil in your community. (…) When He went into a community it says that people brought to Him all the people that were sick, the demon possessed, those suffering pain, the paralyzed, and He healed them.

That’s what He wants to do today. He wants to destroy the works of darkness in the communities, He wants to bring His extravagant grace to replace poverty. He wants to bring His justice to all the injustice. He wants to bring His love and His light to the brokenness in our communities. That’s the dream of His heart.”

“Jesus came to set us free, save us from sin, and give us life in abundance. He intended not only to influence us individually, but also as a community. Jesus has much more at heart than the personal salvation and blessing of individuals of His Church; His plan includes bringing salvation, restoration, and transformation to people, cities, and nations before He returns (see Ezekiel 47,9. 12; Revelation. 7,9.14)!

We cannot know our true identity until we have met Jesus.” P. 184-185.

Call to prayer and work while it is day

Transformation is possible, and this website aims, among other things, that the call to prayer reaches as far out into the world as possible. We have no promise that the world will be totally renewed, for the end will come as prophesied in the Book of Revelation, the antichrist will come, and men will come to face the choice of accepting the mark of the beast. But we must work as long as it is day (John 9:4).

The call is to get on your knees today.

Bring family, friends and congregations, pastors, deacons, prophets, teachers, evangelists, and worshippers/prayer warriors with you.


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